Writing Assignment 13
Scripting A Debate:
Why Ducks Waddle Across the Street instead of Flying
By A Plumber
Professor Tangent: Ducks waddle across the street instead of flying because they are attracted to asphalt.
Dr. Jim: They do not. It is stated in Professor Function G. Cosine’s famous work, Why Ducks Waddle Across the Street Instead of Flying, that they simply do not want too.
Professor Tangent: My silly lad, we all know that ducks only fly when they eat cheesecake, as stated in the Fifteenth Amendment, section five hundred forty two part F, “And it shall be herewith known that ducks and any other Quackus Waddleus will only fly across concrete streets after eating cheesecake. The said cheesecake must be thoroughly frozen and thawed.”
Dr. Jim: The excerpt you have just stated only covers concrete streets. Therefore, you have not stated any evidence to completely prove your theory.
Furthermore, you failed to state the rest of the excerpt: “After eating the said dessert, the Quackus Waddleus will fly across the street, unless a large vehicle with an external combustion engine is driving towards the said animal on the wrong side of the road.”
Professor Tangent: I do believe you are quite mistaken.
Dr. Jim: How so?
Professor Tangent: No reason. Wait…yes, here it is! The proof! It says here in this book entitled The Life and Times of the Average Quackus Waddleus That Waddles Across the Street Instead of Flying, that, “Ducks do not believe in flying, thinking it a disgusting habit. They will only fly when very frightened, or when asked about their great grandmother twice removed on their father’s side…”
Dr. Jim: Who was the author of this book?
Professor Tangent: Oh, uh, oh, well, let me check; well, will you look at that! Silly me. I’m the author.
Dr. Jim: Well, then, you haven’t proven anything, only stating evidence from a reference you created yourself. Now, I will prove my point by-
Professor Tangent: Wait, my fellow! I agree with you completely! Don’t you see I’m famous? I don’t need to argue for publicity anymore. I’m an author! Let’s shake hands and be done!
Dr. Jim: All right, we’ll be done with this debate. Also, we should add a new statement to the Fifteenth Amendment.
Prologue
Professor Tangent became well known as an author, and Dr. Jim continued to study the small things and nature, publishing several debates such as:
Why Snails Don’t Have Pickup Trucks (1995)
Why The Chicken Crossed The Road (1997)
Why Dogs’ Bark is Worse than Their Bite (2001)
He is currently working on a new debate:
Why Ants Don’t Have Battle Flags (started 2002)
If you would like to learn more about plumbing, please continue on to the next intuitive site, which is all about choosing the right kind of hammer for you.
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